Yesterday I was minding my own business. I was practicing piano after dinner (I am attempting to learn how to play the piano...we'll see how it goes), when there was a knock at the door. I spied out the window and a very sweaty woman was standing at the door. I thought about just ignoring her, but then I felt guilty, "What if she is broken down, or needs help with something, or even worse some family member that I didn't realize existed, and later they would call and say 'Hey why didn't you answer the door for me. I am your Grandpa's Uncle's Great Aunt!"
I figured the risks where too great, so I just open the door .
Mistake Number 1
What greeted me at the door was a sweatier and less pleasant looking version of this lady.
The first words out of her mouth where, "Hey could you help me out?"
I felt justified, "Look at me!," I thought, "I'm practically a good Samaritan, opening my door to her in her time of need." ...Then she finished her sentence.
"I received some extra meat in my shipment today, and I need help getting rid of it. I have beef, pork, chicken, and Shrimp. It is the steaks that I have extra of, so if you buy anything else I will throw in some steaks for free. I have them selling right now at less than $2.00 a package. Wanna take a look at what I have?"
I then thought to myself, "She is a liar, I know she hasn't actually received extra food, it is just a gimmick. BUT, I have been wanting to try to learn how to can meats...if she really has some frozen chicken for under two dollars, depending on the size of the package, maybe I'll buy a few and try it out."
Mistake Number 2
She said, "I'll grab a package and let you see what they have. I'll be right back." I stepped out onto the porch to wait for her to get back. I tried to barricade her from the house. I was going to be in control of this interaction." But then she said, "It is so hot out here, can we just step inside."
"Oh sure!" I say.
Mistake Number 3
She had two ginormous boxes of meat for me too look at, and the prices where ridiculous. She wanted me to pay $240 for two boxes of meat 64 chicken breasts and 64 steaks. "And you wouldn't believe the quality of the steak, a butcher told me that the price of those rib eyes in there could cover the cost of the whole box."
I thought to myself once again, "You are a liar."
Luckily I partially squirmed out of her trap in a sly way that I picked up on in my time in China.
While bartering with people in China I would decide, "I will pay $15 yuan for that hat" I would then take all my money out of my wallet and put it in a coat pocket. Then I would start bartering and when they wouldn't come down in price I would show them the contents of my wallet, the would take the money (angrily) and I would take the hat.
Sadly this didn't work quite as well. But I just picked up my phone, opened my MACU bank app, and showed her the balance of my checking account: $114. I have quite a bit more in my multiple savings accounts, but she didn't need to know that. I told her, "Sorry I don't think I am going to be buying any of your meat today."
Suddenly the cost of the meat was only $104 plus tax! How Convenient that I only had $114 dollars and that is all the meat costs! Happy Day!
I told her that I wasn't about to spend all of my money on meat, sorry I'm a poor college student, and any other pathetic dribble that I could think of, but I felt so bad for the lady. Trying to feed her family on meat profits...
Mistake Number 4
Once again, my conscience got the better of me. She had a bunch of Chicken Cordon Bleu...and I really wanted some, so I said, "but Hey I wouldn't mind buying just a few Chicken Cordon Bleu."
After a bunch of dialogue that I care not to remember she talked me into buying $50 of meat from her. At this point I just wanted the process to end. I paid her the money to get her out of my house. We exchanged goods, and she left.
I then had to walk of shame through the kitchen, passed my husband, and downstairs to the freezer carrying three boxes of unbudgeted, unneeded, and overpriced meat...that Cordon Bleu had better be delicious.
